Same sex couples will be able to form a civil partnership and gain most of the rights and of marriage in just over five weeks time.

We asked for your comments on the following:

Are you planning to register your relationship? Are you pleased with the extra financial rights you will gain?

And should the government grant these rights to other people who live together long-term, such as relatives, or carers and their dependents?

This debate is now closed. Here is a selection of your comments:

As a gay man living in New Zealand where the Civil Union has already been passed, I can only applaud governments for going down this route.

It is a blessing that my partner and I are now able to have the same rights as any other Nick, New Zealand

There have been negative reactions to the Civil Union, however as someone who is unable to marry and have the same rights as any “normal Christian”, it is a blessing that my partner and I are now able to have the same rights as others.

I ask all people who are against this to ask themselves how they would feel if they were not allowed to see, or make a decision on behalf of their dying partner, of 20 or 30 years, because they are not perceived as a relative.

This is what homosexual couples have had to deal with. Ask yourself, Is that fair?

Nick, New Zealand

This law is incredibly biased. Why now only exclude relatives who live together without a sexual relationship of any kind? Any two people should be allowed the same rights if they register for them.

Children living with, and caring for, elderly parents, and siblings sharing lives… either all should get the same rights, or it should be kept just for the support of marriages.
James St George, London

I’m sorry to say it, but this is a mistake for it undermines the whole definition of marriage.
Iain

A very big step in the right direction, but if they had simply legalised true same-sex marriage there wouldn’t be this debate about extending the rights to unmarried .

Civil partnerships are still discriminatory and unequal Kristy, Watford

I hope the government soon realises this, as well as the fact that “civil partnerships” are still discriminatory and unequal, although admittedly miles less than the previous situation!

That said, my partner and I are still planning to register, though it won’t be for a while, as the extras get expensive!

Something is better than nothing at this point.
Kristy, Watford

I am so excited about the Civil Partnerships Act as a way for society to finally accept that many gay people live together in long, happy relationships, and will at long last have this recognised in law.

I am really tired of straight people banging on about having the same law apply to them.

At least they can marry, and they can do so in a registry office if they do not want to enter into a religious ceremony.

I am proud to be with my partner of five years and I am overjoyed that we will be able to be properly respected and recognised in the eyes of the law as of this year. Brilliant!
Kath Owen

I have never been able to understand why couples who co-habit without a formal commitment say “We don’t need a piece of paper to prove our love” then want the privileges accorded by law to prove their ownership of property when things go wrong.

There is only one institution that works, and it’s called marriage CAM, London

With commitment, some marriages may fail. Without that commitment, all casual relationships fail. But no statistics are kept to show it.

This system of registered and unregistered marriages was tried in the Soviet Union. It failed miserably. There is only one institution that works, and it’s called marriage.
CAM, London

Like many others I have lived happily in a heterosexual relationship for a long time - 22 years in my case - and like many others I resent the fact that it would be necessary to get married in order for my status to be recognised in law.

My partner and I choose not to marry, but we have brought up children, bought a house, work full-time, and contribute to society in exactly the same way as any married couple.

It’s a pity society chooses to afford greater legal protection to people who might only have been married for a week.
Peter Thomas, London

Why should gay couples be able to enter civil partnerships when heterosexual couples - who do not wish to get married - cannot?

And should civil partnerships be made possible for other cohabiting couples of whatever sexual preference?

Indeed, why should civil partnerships be proscribed by whether there is a sexual relationship or not? What about people who live together for years as companions?

Come 5 December, the human rights law may need to be invoked to ensure others can enter civil partnerships!
Greta Jensen, Totnes

Denying tax benefits to couples who are not married is discriminatory and in breach of the European Convention on human rights.

We have been a couple for 30 years and have two children. Why can’t we have the same rights as homosexuals? Derek Amory

All we need is a test case.

I should not have to conform to marriage, an institution I have no faith in.

We have been a couple for 30 years and have two children. Why can’t we have the same rights as homosexuals?
Derek Amory

For me as a gay man my demand has always been for the same equal rights as heterosexual couples in the eyes of the law.

I have always seen marriage as a religious contract with actions such as adultery being legal terms for divorce.

In a marriage, divorce can result in a 50/50 split of all financial assets. Fewer and fewer heterosexual couples are getting married - perhaps because of this clause. More and more couples are divorcing.

Any couple should be able to enter a “contract” and that contract should be honoured in the eyes of the law.

It appears that civil partnership provides gay couples with all of the tax rights of marriage, but with their own “rules” as to what is acceptable within their relationship.

So, unless heterosexual couples can benefit from a civil partnership we are still no closer to having equal rights. There is one set of rules for gay couples and one for heterosexual. This is wrong.

In countries like Holland, whether gay or straight, any two people can choose either a “living together contract” or marriage. In Holland there are equal rights.

I believe the only real solution in the UK for this is for the state to stop offering “marriage” and to focus on the legal side, civil partnerships.

It should be down to the various religious institutions to offer marriage.

It should be down to the leaders of these institutions to decide whether or not they wish to permit same-sex marriages. This way in the eyes of the law we will, finally have equal rights.
Simon Bosworth, London

I find it really odd that some unmarried heterosexual couples are saying that they want a civil partnership, because what else do they think getting married in a registry office entails?
Anon

Why not allow same-sex couples to marry? As long as opposite sex couples are entitled to marry and same-sex couples are not, there will always be inequality.

Civil partnership is a step in the right direction, but it is a long way from achieving equality for all Lizzie, Cardiff

The religion argument does not cut it. Marriage in the UK per se has absolutely nothing to do with religion. I am an atheist and am about to get married in a civil ceremony.

I believe in the institution of marriage, but not in religion. The law recognises that for me, a woman in an opposite sex couple, without religious belief, marriage is acceptable. Why then not allow same sex couples to marry?

I agree that civil partnership is a step in the right direction, but it is a long way from achieving equality for all.
Lizzie, Cardiff

s who find problems with this partnership tend to gloss over issues such as the next of kin rights that gay people will now be able to enjoy.

Heterosexuals can already marry so there is no need to extend benefits to them that they already have. The rest of us have been subsidising their tax breaks for years.

I think there is some unfairness now for people like two elderly sisters living together, one dies and the other cannot necessarily inherit the house.

These people already will have next of kin rights, but the problem lies in the fact that property values have accelerated past the tax free inheritance threshold. Maybe some other deal could be sorted for people in this category.

Given the pension mess my generation is heading towards, and the rising costs of obtaining graduate education, maybe the government should be made to justify why we should not keep our own money within our own families, rather than hand it over on the death of the holder. What is it doing with all this extra cash?
Rob, Fareham

I live with a partner and we have 2 children. We have never wanted to get married but I fail to see why I should be denied the same rights as other couples simply because I am female and my partner happens to be male.

I now feel that I am a victim of J Wright

I now feel that I am a victim of discrimination by a law passed to ensure that discrimination does not take place! Now there’s an irony!
J Wright

In response to Vanessa and David, there are also couples I hear of who are horrified to realise that their partners may have accrued rights through a live-in relationship and may have a claim on their property.

I also hear of people who would not want to get married again after a bad experience and now fear living with someone in case they can make claims on the property they intend to leave to their children.

Surely the old way of marriage (or if need be, this new partnership for gays) or not being married/partnered and not having rights over each other is the most clear cut and fair, in that everyone knows what they are getting into.

Maybe everyone should just be able to nominate a next-of-kin who can inherit without tax issues? Lynn

Having removed the potential for children by extending such partnerships to gay relationships maybe we need to question why we are privileging sexual relationships over other relationships.

Why should a sexual partner be able to inherit without paying tax but not a brother or sister with whom someone has lived all their lives into their 80s?

Maybe everyone should just be able to nominate a next-of-kin who can inherit without tax issues?
Lynn

It’s a comfort to know that when I die my partner will be looked after, and also myself without any complications from family who have no understanding and remain ignorant .
Andrew T Sweet

Well I do see a problem - I do not wish to marry because marriage is principally a property law.

I should have no less rights than homosexuals just because I happen to be heterosexual. I should not have to marry to share these rights.

I expect the European Court will eventually rule in my favour and for equality before the law.
David Cadogan, Richmond

This is a badly thought out piece of legislation. The only people who will benefit from it are lawyers, who will get paid to test the legislation in different ways in court cases.

All the laws establishing what does/does not constitute a marriage are by now firmly established.

The right thing to do morally, logically and financially would be to allow same sex couples to marry with allL the same rights and responsibilities of heterosexual couples.
Bob, Nailsea

Full equality would mean marriage for same-sex relationships. We still have a segregated system and have second class rights.

Is this a way to cut benefits for same-sex couples? Rachel Green

Civil partnership is a way forward to state acceptance and recognition, however is this a way to cut benefits for same-sex couples?

Also, what about non-married heterosexual couples and other forms of non-sexual partnership?
Rachel Green

Heterosexuals can choose to get married. Homosexuals can only be “registered”, we can’t yet get married.

Please don’t tell us that we are now acquiring rights that heterosexuals don’t have, you have always been able to get married.

Even in a few weeks, all we will have is a civil partnership, in its barest form, a two minute signing of a register.

Well thanks for making us almost equal, but actually it still feels like not quite a marriage! But still, at least heterosexuals can keep the “institution of marriage” safe from us homosexuals who will obviously ruin it.

Not like heterosexuals who are doing such a good job of looking after it!
Anne

I am writing on behalf of Rainbow Ripples, a Leeds lesbian, gay and bisexual disabled people’s group.

The civil partnerships legislation is a disaster for many lesbian, gay and bisexual people on low incomes - particularly older and disabled people and parents - who are going to lose out massively because of changes to means-tested benefits.

This legislation can only bring distress and hardship and take away the independence of thousands of people Lucy Wilkinson, Rainbow Ripples, Leeds

Some may argue that this will bring parity with heterosexual people. However, everyone plans their future on their expected income. Many older and disabled LGB people have bought or rented houses or taken on financial commitments on the basis of their current income.

This legislation can only bring distress and hardship and take away the independence of thousands of people who will be forced to rely financially on partners when this was never part of their plan.

This is why transitional protection should be given to existing claimants, as has happened for other people adversely affected by benefit changes in the past.
Lucy Wilkinson, Rainbow Ripples, Leeds

The civil partnerships laws can only be good for this country, bringing same-sex couples to a near equal footing with opposite sex couples, although from what I understand it does not go far enough as rights will not be completely equal.

As for heterosexual couples, I do not see why it needs to be extended for them. If couples choose not to marry, that is their choice, but at least they have always had the choice.
Becky Taylor, Peterborough

Hopefully this will help pave the way to people viewing gay couples as being “normal”. Though somehow I doubt it.

Why do people get so hung up on the relationships of others? All we want is the same rights as all everyone else.

I can’t wait for this act to commence so I can be legally bound to my partner Clare Luke, London

I love my partner. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Why does that bother people so much? I want to know that if I died that she would have the same rights as everyone else in the same position.

It hurts so much that people still judge someone based on their sexuality.

It was in the news last week about Rosa Parks and civil liberties, and how it was so wrong to discriminate based on the colour of your skin. Why is this so different?

I can’t wait for this act to commence so I can be legally bound to my partner. It is a shame there isn’t a date set when that will be accepted by everyone. Whatever happens, nothing can change the way I feel about my partner.
Clare Luke, London

It is about time same-sex couples were given similar rights. I know of a same-sex couple who were in a relationship for 30 years and when one of them died his partner had to sell their home to pay tax on his inheritance. That is not right!

Ok, so there are people out there who will say the same is true of heterosexual couples, but the difference is that they have the option to marry should they wish. To date, same-sex couples have not.

I think this is a great step forward to help establish a fair and equal system for all.
Charles, Lichfield

Let’s make civil partnerships available to heterosexual relationships, and marriage available to gay relationships John, London

Let’s make civil partnerships available to heterosexual relationships, and marriage available to gay relationships.

Then everyone gets to choose exactly what they want for their own relationship. Who could say fairer than that?
John, London

The introduction of same-sex civil partnerships is to be welcomed as it extends the legal rights that heterosexual married couples have enjoyed.

However these rights should not automatically be extended to couples living together.

Heterosexual cohabiting couples can enjoy the rights by getting married. Until civil partnerships, same-sex couples had no choice. There was no way of enjoying the legal rights.

Same-sex couples who chose not to enter a civil partnership will continue as before not to have any rights.

So both heterosexual and same-sex couples now have a level playing field, the choice whether to formalise their partnerships or not.
Richard Lucas, London

It has always been my understanding that the purpose behind giving special benefits and privileges to married couples, was to help them in bringing up their children.

Unmarried heterosexuals in long-term relationships have a much stronger case for special treatment Tim Hellis

Since children cannot be part of a homosexual relationship, then why should these benefits extend to them? This makes me think that unmarried heterosexuals in long-term relationships have a much stronger case for special treatment.

But how do you define a long-term relationship if there is no marriage certificate?
Tim Hellis

I think it is a big jump forward for equal civil rights for same-sex couples being seen as equal by the government.

There’s just as many dis/advantages as there is with heterosexual couples.

The choice is yours to be what you want to be.
Rhys Williams, Cardiff

As I see it, the new law does not give gay couples full equality with straight couples and whilst it is a step in the right direction it just about sums this government up, all talk and very little substance.
Gary, Doncaster

Heterosexual people have the right to marry a foreign national and live with them in the UK.

What statutory protection will allow same-sex people from the UK and a non EEA person to settle in the UK?
Andi, Whitby

Either marriage is given special status or it is not. If these rights are to be extended to unmarried homosexuals, why should they not be extended to unmarried heterosexuals?
David Russell, Newton Mearns

As a gay man, I can only welcome civil partnerships and the financial and legal rights that they give to the two people in that partnership.

Civil partnerships should be open to all, as not all couples want to get married, for religious or other reasons Michael Gedrim, Coventry

In the past, issues such as inheritance tax, being refused visiting rights at hospitals, and countless other examples contributed to the unfair treatment of same-sex couples, who in many cases, had been together longer than some married couples.

However, I do think civil partnerships should be open to all, as not all couples want to get married, for religious or other reasons.

I hope that the civil partnership system moves towards being more like the French Pax Civil.
Michael Gedrim, Coventry

The issue of extending the rights to others who live together is now a hot potato for the government.

It is now untenable not to extend the same rights to the huge number of heterosexual couples who live together and, for example, have a joint mortgage, a joint bank account, share the support of their respective children and elderly parents, but are not recognised by law with all that entails.
Vanessa Young and David Pickup, Adisham, Kent

I have lived in a heterosexual relationship for the last 20 years. What rights do I have? Fewer than other relationships. And how many marriages have failed in the same time? Thousands.
Dan, Whitby

Opposite sex couples have always had the right to be married and thus are eligible for all the benefits that civil partnerships will have.

If a gay couple chooses not to register their partnership, then they will not be eligible. The same already applies to opposite sex couples.

The choice is now there for all couples to register in one way or the other to benefit. I do not see a problem.

Dominic Murray, London

The comments we publish are not necessarily the views of the BBC but will reflect the balance of views we have received. It is helpful if contributors state if they work for any organisation relevant to an issue discussed. Readers should form their own views on whether messages published represent undeclared interests, or views prompted by a common source.

It’s always fun scanning through lonely hearts sections in newspapers and magazines. Whether we’re looking for love, or just a little curious, or idling away the time on a train journey, there’s something intriguing about small ads. They are windows into other people’s lives and many make for compulsive reading.

The first newspaper personal ads started appearing in the 19th Century and many magazines have had thriving columns for decades. Today, lonely hearts are big business.

Agencies that run small ads sections make fortunes by using premium rate phone lines and helping callers to formulate adverts. By asking a couple of choice questions an agency is able to create a brief statement about you that is then used to make your small ad. It’s a good way of getting the job done, but is it effective?

Such ads invariably come across as a little formulaic and cold. And to the casual browser, they can be just a bit dull.

Rose by name… David Rose says love doesn’t have to be a WLTM-word

Readers of the London Review of Books (LRB) - the fortnightly British literary magazine - like to do such things differently.

LRB readers would sooner read the entire back catalogue of Jeffrey Archer novels than place an off-the-peg advert.

“Safety first. Dignity second. Trousers last. Rubbish wok-cooked foods enthusiast and flammable materials-wearing loon (M) WLTM F to 45 with fire-blanket and no small amount of knowledge regarding the correct batter-frying procedures of tempura. Bicester. Box no. 2006.”

Instead of the standard “blonde hair, blue-eyed, likes theatre” formula of other lonely hearts sections, LRB advertisers use their 30 words to create bizarre hiakus of longing.

What is more peculiar is that the ads sometimes work. Admittedly they don’t have a huge success rate (a handful of marriages, a couple of children, at least one divorce), but, if nothing else, they are original.

It’s hard, for example, to ignore the unexpected presence of the German Reichstag in this typically untypical advert:

“Woman, 38. WLTM man to 45 who doesn’t name his genitals after German chancellors. You know who you are and, no, I don’t want to meet either Bismarck, Bethmann Hollweg, or Prince Chlodwig zu Hohenlohe-Schillingsfrst, however admirable the independence he gave to secretaries of state may have been. Box no. 2102.”

A solo drinking session probably isn’t the best time to tell the world you’re ready for love

If you’re thinking of placing a small ad, you could do worse than to take a leaf out of the LRB readers’ book.

Announcing to the world you’re single and looking for love is not an easy thing to do and having fun is an important aspect of the dating game. Bear in mind, though, there are several important things you need to take into consideration.

Timing is always important. When is a good time to place your small ad? I often get e-mails time-stamped in the early hours of a Sunday morning. You can almost hear the glug of a wine bottle being emptied in the background.

In my experience, a solo drinking session probably isn’t the best time to tell the world you’re ready for love.

When you are ready, don’t rush into penning your ad. It’s a certainty that whatever you think is great about yourself is less impressive to others:

“The only item you’ll find in my fridge is soup. Forty litres of the stuff. Beat that. M, 46. Box no. 7524.”

Perversely, this ad got a whole raft of excellent responses but, as a rule, no-one is interested in a failed attempt to enter the Guinness book of records in 1978.

Personal ads are an ever more popular way of finding a soul mate

Many ask their friends to help. It’ll do for starters; just be aware that friends make poor romantic partners and will like you for very different reasons than a prospective lover might.

But if you’d rather begin with the help of someone who knows you quite well, try getting them first to write a brief synopsis of your most appealing qualities.

Be careful of breaking the very few protocols of the personals’ column. Rule one: don’t mention money. In those first lonely hearts back in the 19th Century it wasn’t uncommon for gentlemen to specify their annual income.

In those days, the personals were market places for the upper-classes to advertise their business acumen and secure marriages into equally wealthy families. Mercifully, this is no longer the case.

Honesty is a good policy at all times, but when you only have 30 words to sell yourself, it’s a good idea not waste valuable wordage reliving your divorce:

“Save it - anything you’ve got to say can be said to my lawyer. But if you’re not my ex-wife, why not write to box no. 5377. I enjoy vodka, canasta, evenings in, and cold, cold revenge.”

My main piece of advice to all lonely hearts is to relax a little. Be prepared for the possibility of not getting any replies. Getting no replies or not getting the right sort or reply is no reflection on your qualities as a person nor is it the end of the world.

Don’t be scared to try again. Be positive, be concise, and be bold. Even the ads quoted here struck gold eventually.

David Rose is advertising director of the London Review of Books. The ads in this article are taken from They Call Me Naughty Lola, edited by David Rose (Profile, 2006).

This article might have been worthwhile ten years ago, but nowadays it’s sadly out-of-date. Nowadays, personal ads are taking a second place to computer dating websites, where you can write as much as you like about yourself, add pictures, and even get computer matching to help you find what you’re looking for. Newspaper dating is so twentieth century.
Anon, London

My favourite LRB personal ad: “Misery, seeks company.” Almost impossible to improve upon.
Cat, London/UK

What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia. After you do, he’ll never phone you. I will. Box 1745. (Seen in the Wokingham Times 1990ish)
Sue, London, UK

I recognise a lot of what has been said in this column. When I was divorcing (whilst in the Army in the 90s) I tried the lonely hearts columns to meet ladies. It was a total failure. All the people I met were as bitter as me about getting divorced! Not a basis for starting a relationship. My nirvana was meeting a lady who explained to me how ladies like a man to be, and the perception of the lady - best advice I have had in my life!! As a result I met my current partner, applied the advice that had been suggested by the good lady, and we have been happily married for 13 years. Marvellous! I think that it does need to be emphasised that using lonely hearts is a sign of either being a predator, or being so low in self esteem that you are unable to socialise normally. The best advice I would recommend is to go out, be happy and smile. You will meet someone compatible in time. It is not a race to ‘recommit’ if something has gone bad within your life.
Bernie McAndrew, Shrewsbury, UK

Surely the time for personals is gone now that speed dating is here? Most is not spoken (or written) but is facial expression, body language etc so speed dating must be the way to go - and you actually get to go out, rather than talk to an empty wine bottle.
Roger, London

40, but could pass for 39 in the dark. On occasion a moderatly competant and unselfish lover. WLTM a wealthy woman with dodgy ticker. But in reality will settle for anyone with low expectations. NOSOH. Please give generously.
Tony, London

I went Speed dating in August and found love.
After speaking to the the loveley Michelle i decided I didn’t really like her, but it was only in the pub afterwards that I got talking to her. I then lost her number and only managed to get her number from her friend who had given out her business card to all the blokes in the pub. My friend who I went with though has been a further two times without success!!
Andrew , Manchester

More Sean Connery with a touch of Groucho Marx than Sean Penn. Post Suez, just! enjoys punk with a touch of Magic Flute, has adventures. But sadly for all you lasses - already taken.
simon mallett, UK Maidstone

Although not exactly a newspaper personal ad, I met my present wife through an internet dating service to which I (jokingly) advertised “shallow ladies apply within” and “form an orderly queue”. She (jokingly) replied accordingly and here we are five years later married with two kids. We’re not weirdoes, just two people with odd humour who met whilst poking fun at all the people who are.
I heartily recommend having a go at small ads, even if you’re just after a laugh.
Richard, Crewe, UK

This article made me think back a few years when I tried answering a few personal ads and I giggled to myself recalling the surreal but highly amusing time I had, as a newly single woman, meeting men this way. The truth is that no matter how witty/clever the ad is, and how lovely a person might sound on the phone, the reality is only revealed when you meet that person for the first time. My 4 most amusing encounters all started from small ads followed by a number of chats on the phone with apparently nice, normal men. But…

1) Turned up in a pale grey nylon blazer with assorted stains and missing teeth. Couldn’t grasp the concept that I don’t drink alcohol as his whole explanation for the provision of leisure time was that it is there for getting as drunk as possible.

2) Opened the conversation by telling me about his 4 ex-wives, including the one he still goes on holiday with.

3) 30-something and still lived with his Mum. And sneakily engineered for me to meet her on our second date having already notified a bunch of friends and relatives that “we” would be attending their various family get-togethers over the coming months.

4) Big burly police officer who after the first date explained in detail about his bondage fantasies and his longing for me to make them come alive. And did I have any “equipment” ?

I would urge anyone to give it a whirl, if only for the comedy value. And if you’re lucky enough to meet the right person then all the better. If not, you’ll have perhaps seen aspects of life you wouldn’t otherwise be unfortunate enough to encounter and it can only be character-buiding in the end!
AW, South Yorks

Sue, London, UK: It’s also a lyric from Burt Bacharach song: I’ll never fall in love again. Deacon Blue also sang it.
Kenneth, Sheffield, UK

Met my fiance through an internet dating site - and had a fantastic time meeting some lovely guys in the process! A friend went the newspaper route & met a series of oddballs unable to socialise or communicate with other people…
Beth, Manchester

When I was last single (about 12 years ago) it was the devil’s own job trying to meet anyone this way if you were male, as about 80% of the adds were from men wanting to meet women, and all the women were in huge demand. Is that still true? If so, I guess it doesn’t much matter what you write in your add if you’re a women, but you need to be pretty careful if you’re a bloke.
Adam, London, UK

When I tried this years ago, the funniest date I had was with someone who had lied about his height! But having tried internet dating and met someone that way I can recommend it over the papers every time . . .
Wendy, Aldershot

I do not think you can meet your ideal through the ads. I feel the best place you can meet anyone is by joining clubs. you will then be able to see what they (members of the opposite sex) are like without comitting youself to
norma doyle, rugby, warwickshire

I met a lovely man via a personal advert, and it was the most wonderful relationship, the best, and it lasted 13 years. But you do have to be lucky, it is very hit and miss.

Cathy Cave, Milton Keynes

If you are a man, get yourself some gay mates. I know so many single women, all ages and types, and there seems to be a great lack to straight men. Mind you I do live in Brighton.
carl, Brighton

Who needs real reality when virtual will do? This worked for me: Staff-wielding elf magician seeks demure lady priest for moonlit dinners, long walks on the beach and smiting armies of rampaging orcs.
Zargon the Wizard, UK

Rule #1 about these ads…Men lie about how tall they are! If it says 5′8 he is really 5′6 or less!
Diana Nelson, Haverhill Suffolk

Here is the seven word advert that brought the perfect woman to me fourteen years ago: Fortyish feminist? New man needs new woman.
Terry, Ferryside, Wales

I didn’t meet my fiancee on a dating site as such, it was more of a vanity site. I had my picture up on a site that specialises in long haired men for quite some time, and she’d emailed me. I never really intended to meet anyone from there, but I jotted down a quick email reply, with my mobile number, and two years later… we’re happily living together and intending to get married in 2008!

Longhaired Guy, Staffordshire

Was single for a number of years and tried internet and speed dating without much success. About 4 months ago I went to a networking “do” and ended up meeting my girlfriend. She was in conversation with one of my colleagues, both of them looked bored so I wandered over to “rescue” him and ended up speaking to her for 3 hours or so. The rest, as they say, is history. Just goes to show that you can bump into your partner anywhere - finding love is not limited to areas, exercises and times specifically set aside for their pursuit.
Kevin, London

I would take issue with the writer’s assertion that “friends make poor romantic partners”. On the contrary, I have always felt it fairly pointless to start romantic relationships with people before I knew if I could get on with them as a friend. I am now going out with my best friend, and I can assure you that she is an excellent romantic partner!
J.L., London

Kenneth, Sheffield, UK: Yes, I know. We clearly share the same taste in music. How about it?
Sue, London, UK

The thing is, no sensible person would find a partner this way. They would use the internet. Online dating sites allow you to present yourself in a much better way - and to reach a far wider audience too.
Michael Shaw, Sheffield, UK

I always like mixing my abbreviations with personal ads and ones for houses. Therefore GSOH is changed with GCH. The winter nights fly by.
Steve Swords, London

Am always rather perturbed by people referring to their spouse as “my present” wife or husband. Sounds ominously temporary.
Emma, Basingstoke

Woman seeks Man,20-30, who is willing to lie about how we met.
Siobhan, Essex

“I think that it does need to be emphasised that using lonely hearts is a sign of either being a predator, or being so low in self esteem that you are unable to socialise normally.” What a load of nonsense. There are predators and those with low self-esteem *anywhere*. It doesn’t matter, *how* one meets their beloved, just that they do. Sometimes our social orbits, for whatever reason, just aren’t wide enough to find our match, and the lonely and internet dating sites can be a fine way for folks to connect.
RG, VT, US

Kenneth, Sheffield, UK: (and any other trivia fans out there) so did Elvis Costello.
Nik , Hythe, Kent, UK

Years ago, I bumped into a female friend in the street and we went for a drink. It turned out she was 26 and had only had two boyfriends. She worked as a florist, and never had a chance to meet anyone. I encouraged her to place an ad and helped to write it. I tried to make it honest: she was a large, but very curvy and sexy woman. I also tried to make the ad specific - exactly the kind of person she was and who she wanted, instead of “likes sport and dancing”. She got over 120 replies, most of whom were goodlooking lonely guys. After a few dates with different men, she stuck on one. This Christmas she wrote to thank me - they’ve been together all that time with never a cross word. I found two things interesting that transpired when she started going out with the men. One, after years of going to see dieticians with no change, she started losing weight. Two, as she went about her daily travel, random strangers started to chat to her, sometimes going so far as to ask her out.
It’s all about confidence: once you see that people find you attractive, you become attractive. (I speak as a guy of 50 who goes out with a lovely 26 year old.)
John Gammon, Brighton, UK

Buy a computer: quicker, cheaper and anonymous. Happy hunting……………..
Maurice de Ville,

Back in the days when personals weren’t so passe, a friend of mine put this ad into Time Out: “Feminist in stockings seeks man”. The magazine staff complained to her, she got so many replies. She’s probably still getting them now.
Philip, London

I met my wife 4 years ago through an internet dating agency, it can work. Best 30 investment I ever made.
LM, Hampshire

I met my partner two years ago via internet dating. We are both sociable successful people with plenty of friends and family. I do it find a little odd that people don’t put more effort into meeting the right person. I mean, if you wanted to move house you wouldn’t only look at homes shown to you by people you knew, would you? It feels just a romantic to meet the perfect partner through a website as it does at a mate’s wedding or your brother setting up a blind date. My widowed mother met a nice man the same way a year ago following my success. None of us are ugly, desperate or noticeably tragic: what we DO have in common is that we made an effort to get to where we wanted to be. Brilliant.
Diana , Poole

If you ever want to convince yourself that your own life is no-where as sad and sorry as you think it is, try internet dating…..my own experiences suggest you’re better off flirting with the other shoppers in your local supermarket.
Andrew, Wigan

I have met most of my boyfriends through the dating sites I am most happy
Tom, Essex

The lonely hearts ads in the New York Review of Books are by contrast stunningly immodest. Try this: “Passionate, stunning, sassy and dynamic maverick with loving heart. Considered adorable and cute. Combines athletic outdoorsyness with easy . Accomplished consultant and educator, serves on cultural, educational, environmental boards. Willowy, athletic, very physical with slender dancer’s body. Loves entetaining friends, , playing with ideas, theater (classical, contemporary, cutting edge), jazz clubs, sailing, skiing, golf, South of France, most of Italy, Australia. Interested in the world - politics, people, the arts, fiance, everything on the forny page and more…”
Tony, Norwich

Terms & Conditions

The agency, called Hapana, was launched two months ago and is challenging attitudes that society holds towards those living with the virus.

About one in five Zimbabweans is infected, the United Nations says. One of the highest rates in the world.

One common perception is that single people who are HIV positive should no longer be involved in sexual relationships.

“There’s an unspoken that if you’re single and you test positive, you’re supposed to become celibate,” the founder of the agency, Luta Shaba, told the BBC News website.

“I believe it’s contributing to continued infection, because if you know that disclosing your status will cause the other person to leave you, the chances are that you won’t disclose.

“A lot of people have shown interest in what I’m doing and my clients have made it very clear that they are happy that someone has started this service.”

Divide

Highly publicised campaigns have been running over the past five years to encourage people to undertake HIV tests, in order to control the spread of the virus.

You really have to deal with the reality of HIV and Aids at midnight on Valentine’s Day Luta Shaba Mary: An Aids widow’s story

But there have been some unanswered questions as to how those who test positive should continue their lives.

“It’s almost like an us and them, there’s an assumption that you’re negative, so go and get tested so that you can keep yourself safe from those positive people,” said Shaba.

“I challenged the last date that I had who left me when I disclosed my status.

“I asked him whether he would have been comfortable having sexual relations with me using a condom, had I not disclosed.

“He said yes, he would have, so I asked him what the difference is in using a condom to prevent HIV transmission when you know the person’s status.”

Besides the use of drugs, a positive mental outlook and enjoyment of life is an important factor in extending the lifespan of a person who has the virus.

Shaba believes that loneliness and isolation makes it more difficult for people to live healthily with HIV.

“There’s a perception that HIV-positive people are lethal, so there’s a fear of being intimate with them,” said Shaba

“I can be on ARVs and be part of a support group, but you really have to deal with the reality of HIV and Aids at midnight on Valentine’s Day.

“That’s when I’ve seen everybody receiving flowers and I know I can’t receive flowers because I’m HIV-positive because nobody wants to be with me.

Dating

“So I’m saying we don’t have to be alone, let’s be honest with each other that we need to be in relationships, and let’s give each other companionship.

“But it doesn’t mean that people who are dating when positive should be careless.”

Unprotected sex can lead to the of someone who is HIV-positive, which could quicken the onset of fully-blown Aids.

HIV/Aids in Zimbabwe 2002: 26% HIV prevalence 2004: 21% HIV prevalence Change attributed to change in sexual behaviour Reduction in reported number of sexual partners 86% of men report condom use in casual partnerships 83% of women report condom use in casual partnerships Source: UNAids

Dating agencies have not proved to be popular in Zimbabwe, but Shaba believes that they can work well for those with HIV.

“I think that dating services will be useful for HIV-positive people,” she said.

“You can be introduced to dozens of people who all find you absolutely attractive, but it’s that one factor that stops everything in its tracks.”

The dating service takes its name from a popular song by Tanga Wekwa Sando, Hapana Asina Wake, meaning there is no-one without that special someone in their life.

“It’s very pertinent, the risk of giving up and telling yourself that no-one will ever love me is real.

“So we need to say we are beautiful people, we are alive, and each living being is entitled to a mate and nobody should be sentenced to a lifetime of total solitude.

“Considering the way people are so conservative here and the social issues around HIV I am enthused at the start that the agency has made.

“If I can pair up just 10 people a month and they spend time together at the weekend or go for coffee, then I’d be the happiest woman around.”

Shaba has also written a book, Secrets of a Woman’s Soul, which tells of her relationship with her mother, who died of an disease.

She hopes to send girls orphaned by Aids to university with funds raised from the book.

As the middle-aged playwright torn between ageing playboy Jack Nicholson and handsome young doctor Keanu Reeves, Keaton, 57, has wowed US critics with her sassy, smart and sexy performance.

She has also stunned many by appearing in the nude for the first time in her distinguished screen career.

Born Diane Hall in 1946, Keaton learned her craft in her native California before getting her first taste of success working as an understudy in the Broadway musical Hair.

However, it was her partnership with Woody Allen - both on and off-screen - that made her a star. Between 1972 and 1979 they made six films together, most notably Manhattan, Sleepers and Annie Hall.

Dramatic credentials

Keaton won an Oscar for Annie Hall, which charted in comic fashion the disintegration of her with Allen. By then, though, she was involved with Warren Beatty, with whom she appeared in the 1981 epic Reds.

It was a union that added a bittersweet note to Allen’s joke that if he was ever reincarnated, he would like to return as Beatty’s fingertips.

Though celebrated for her comic roles, Keaton had already established her dramatic credentials playing Al Pacino’s wife in The Godfather and its sequel. She also impressed in Looking For Mr Goodbar as a single woman experimenting with drugs and casual sex.

Keaton stars with Jack Nicholson in Something’s Gotta Give

By the 80s, her acting career was taking a back seat as Keaton successfully reinvented herself as a director and producer.

Cutting her teeth on Belinda Carlisle music videos and an episode of Twin Peaks, she made her feature directing debut with the 1995 family drama Unstrung Heroes.

Recently she served as executive producer on the Gus Van Sant film Elephant, winner of the Palme d’Or at last year’s Cannes Film Festival.

Keaton returned to the limelight in the 1990s playing Steve Martin’s wife in Father of the Bride and appearing with Bette Midler and Goldie Hawn in hit The First Wives Club.

Reuniting with Beatty for the disastrous Town and Country may have been a mistake in retrospect, but the critical acclaim that greeted Something’s Gotta Give last year showed the critics held no grudges.